InQuire’s Satire section not launched on April Fool’s day biggest missed opportunity in history

March 15, 2019

 

The launch of InQuire’s new satire section on measly Friday has been lauded by critics as “just lazy planning” with April Fool’s day fast approaching.

 

Since InQuire’s inception back in 1965, as InCant (You see what they did? Eh? Never mind), the publication has been missing an editor stupid enough to think that a satire section would be a good idea, until now.

 

“Scheduling the launch before April Fool’s day is perhaps an oversight” said the editor in question. “I was just too eager to finish, a problem many women have told happens a lot with me”.

 

“Maybe for April Fool’s day I’ll instead take down the satire page and give everyone hope that I’ve given up”.

 

Other scheduled dates planned for the launch previously included Valentine’s Day and the editor’s upcoming birthday, although the editor’s lack of friends and social life meant that it would’ve been entirely futile.

 

Asked whether he thought satire was a good idea, the editor merely broke into laughter saying: “I just wanted to see how much I could get away with, to be honest. I’m surprised no one has stopped me earlier”.

 

Despite the green light for the page, many students have objected to the proposal, with several having contacted InQuire via email stating their objections:

 

  • “Fun?! In the news?! There is no such thing, I enjoy being hollow, thank you”
    Geoffrey Cuddlefish, Pol & IR student, 20

     

  • “I thought InQuire were a dignified student publication that focused on factual and concise reporting. Apparently, I thought wrong!”
    Bob Stevens, Hater of fun, 18

     

  • “Wait, what is an InQuire?”
    Jimmy Brookes, BioChem student, 21

Following the criticism, InQuire have since announced that the section will likely be shut down in a few weeks when the editor in question inevitably “pisses off enough people, bloody git”.

 

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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First published in 1965, InQuire is the University of Kent student newspaper.

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