If you are looking for an accommodation that will violate your human rights and that is located in a different postcode from the rest of the university, then Parkwood is the halls for you. Often described as the ‘favela of Canterbury’, Parkwood is a veritable maze of two-story buildings, with the kind of aesthetic that will make you think that the ability to see might not be the huge advantage that it is cracked up to be.
As we move inside the average Parkwood houses, you will quickly discover that there is more room inside a beehive, and that being inside one is likely more pleasant too. The cramped kitchen is enough space for one person to be cooking in at a time, which is useful if your other housemates have taken the rather sensible decision of moving somewhere else on campus. Inspector Clouseau might well have been talking about the furnishings in a Parkwood house when he said, ‘drab and disgusting’. However, the reality of your surroundings may be the extra motivation needed for you to find somewhere else to stay on your nights out during Freshers Week. You may even thank your lucky stars for the long walk to central campus as it will give you more time away from your room.
Of course, there are some conditions in Parkwood that will not make you physically ill, in the form of Parkwood Flats. These taller buildings on the far side of Parkwood are closer to the standards of the nicer adorned halls, such as Turing. However, the long waits at the passport controls of the many borders you will have to cross as you make the mammoth trek all the way there may make this not quite worth the extra creature comforts that they provide.
The one major upside of Parkwood is the more vibrant nightlife it comes with. Due to the large population density of these houses and the fact that there is nothing in them that would look worse if broken means that it will often turn into the epicentre of student life as its residents prepare to saunter over to the disappointment that awaits at Venue. As the year proceeds, you will be hard pushed to not find a house party going on somewhere in Parkwood, as people congregate on the stretches of grass just outside each house, because of course, there is no way for many of them to actually fit inside.
Verdict: if you can put up with the jokes of your peers and the Geneva Convention defying conditions, then Parkwood is the place for you!
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.