The college of Darwin with its self-described “quirky architecture” is an interesting yet distinctly unpleasant take on student accommodation. The design of the flats is inherently unhelpful and frustrating as a place to live, which makes moving between your living quarters and kitchen more difficult than should ever be the case.
Darwin flats consist of five people, and two flats share one kitchen. This has created the Hogwarts-esque myriad of staircases that makes up the inside of Darwin college, as the two flats are joined to the kitchen. The way I compared the design to a magical school probably gives it more credit than it deserves, by making it seem somewhat exciting. In reality this proves to be frustrating as you constantly have to go outside whenever you either want to go to the kitchen or back to your room. As you can probably imagine in the winter months this will lead the comfort of your own abode to be much less than that, especially in the exceedingly likely event that it rains.
The basic room design is largely similar to those of Rutherford and Eliot, so I won’t spend much time rehashing my critique of their decor. The only real thing to remark upon in this regard is that somebody saw the rooms in Rutherford and Eliot and decided that this would be a suitable place for a human person to live and that they should use it again, without considering that it looks like a poorly lit cave.
A key indicator of what you are getting yourself into by choosing Darwin is that their own accommodation page has a video about why a particular resident likes living there. It lasts all of thirty-five seconds, which is more than enough time to go through the positives of Darwin. Out of all the possible things to like, every single thing mentioned, except for the presence of campus’ third best bar, Origins, is the case for literally any self-catered accommodation, such as sharing a kitchen with other people. This demonstrates that there is truly nothing special about Darwin, and a lot to dislike, but I don’t think that they were ever going to put those things in there. That’s my job.
Verdict: if you want the squalor of Rutherford and Eliot, teamed with the inconvenience of being rained on when you just want to have dinner, then I advise you choose Darwin immediately.
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.