What Not to Do in The Library

In the first two parts of this series we have looked at the two formal types of learning that you will encounter at university. However, the key difference in learning at university is that, depending on your degree, a lot of your learning is done on your own time. The place that this tends to occur is the library.

If you can make it past the deadly gauntlet of bloodthirsty seagulls that terrorise the entrance to the library, obviously that is the only reason that I don’t go every day, and make it inside the Templeman Library, you are going to need to know a few pieces of etiquette to be followed as you work.

  1. Have a cold- you will soon learn that the eerie silence that is observed in the various silent zones of the library is merely a façade that everyone in there is desperate to be broken. The way to do this, and make a lot of friends at the same time, is to frequently cough and even obnoxiously sneeze at short intervals. People who congregate in these silent areas welcome the quiet being punctured by those who are ill. I recommend moistening your hair and running around outside to try and induce the cold before you go in, so that you can delight third years working on their dissertation with your spluttering. If you could possibly get a whooping cough, then that would be perfect. Essentially, the louder, the better.

  2. Sit at a PC and do non-computer work- the PCs that are placed around the library are very useful for people to do work on. Given the number of people that will be in the library at the business end of the year, the availability of PCs is somewhat scarce. If you find yourself in the Templeman at a time such as this, and you do not require a computer to do the work that you are there to do, then I would recommend you sit in a chair in front of a PC anyway. You are teaching the people who do need one a valuable life lesson that they should have gotten there earlier. You are doing them a favour in the long run, even if they can’t do their work now.

  3. Bring that loud laptop again!- in the lecture segment of this series, I urged you to find the loudest laptop that you could find and tap away in the lecture theatre. I would recommend that you bring that same laptop with you to the library. Noise in the silent section is of the upmost importance and along with that unhealthy cold you are now carrying, you need to hack at your laptop keys and create a fun rhythm to reverberate throughout the room. How about you play a fun game and try and get a band together with some strangers and see what tunes you can play for everyone else’s pleasure.

There it is, grab your assignments and a warm beverage and make your way to the library and use these fun tips to fit in with everyone else and make people be impressed by your knowledge of the etiquette that everyone observes in the Templeman.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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