Imagine this: Barclays Bank has recently transferred 7100 GBP in your account, asking you to pick the best accommodation on the central campus of the University of Kent. What would you do? Pick Turing? I would first call Barclays, it seems like you are being scammed.
Whenever I talk about Turing, somehow, money comes to mind. Why, you think? Simply because you have to have at-least one Swiss bank account to pay that sort of rent for Turing. I exaggerate, of-course. (That sort of money is for Becket Court, the king of all accommodation). Turing is the second most expensive accommodation on Campus, along with Keynes College’s Self Catered Accommodation, which is now just as expensive as Turing. But, don’t be fooled by the similar price – it is not the same.
If I were to compare Keynes and Turing, I would say that Turing is a J.W Marriott, and Keynes is a Novotel Plus(Now Becket Court, that is straight up Burj Al Arab). Turing has a similar selection of rooms and features to those that Keynes College offers: a decently sized bed(a very good mattress, I might add), a well-furnished room with a lot of storage space, and a bathroom that isn’t like Keynes’ Boeing 77W airplane loo; it’s bigger than that. What differentiates Turing, however, is not the room and the services, but the college itself.
Turing College is one of my favourite colleges on campus. It houses a reception that is lively, where students are themselves – not studying for their exams, getting stressed about not studying, then panicking and continuing to not study. It also has Hut 8, the on-campus’ place for some of the best food you will get. From burgers to wraps, the restaurant has a lovely place to lounge and eat, while watching the same people play table tennis and pool, while heavily judging them and munching on the Hut8 Stack. It’s cheap and tasty – what more do you want?
I have talked this place up enough, time to reduce your morale a bit. Life isn’t all roses. (Or maybe it is, since roses have thorns? Which is the better metaphor? This article is getting too self-aware) Turing is reserved for only first year students, meaning that if you’re reading this in your second/third/Postgraduate year, tough luck. Enjoy every-other room on campus, and I suppose Parkwood is an option as well. (I think they just announced their own flag and national anthem.) Apart from the first-year dilemma, it is also a very happening place for house parties. So, if you are one of the few who have ticked the ‘Moderate Lifestyle’ box while filling in your accommodation form, there’s double trouble for you.
Verdict: Turing has to be one of my personal favourites, when it comes to accommodation. It’s not that you can’t go to the restaurant or the reception if you’re not in the Turing Flats, but the rooms are very good too – all in all, making it a very good pick for your first-year stay. It’s central to Campus, has friendly staff, a good room, and a reception/restaurant that houses some place to pass some time with your friends. It does burn a noticeable hole in your pocket, but then again, so does university. You won’t be in an Eliot/Rutherford prison cell, nor in a Keynes room, and neither will you have to cross jungles to reach a lecture you really don’t want to go to. I would rate it 4.5/5.
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.