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Far too much of the student newspaper is controlled by snowflake lefties and remoaners complaining about their safe space or lack thereof. I, Barry Smith, shall embark on a one-man mission to restore the status quo and invoke the glory of Britannia, to show the people the error of their PC ways. Or, just write a weekly column on the news and what I think about it.
It sounds like Boris has had enough with this shill parliament, and if they fail to pass the unbelievable deal that he got from Europe within three days then we are heading for a general election. I am sure that the Lib Dems and Labour will be ruing the day when they are starting the new decade by looking for a new job. Johnson is an unstoppable good ideas machine that should not have to deal with these pathetic excuses for politicians. Tony Blair’s parliamentary majority will look paltry compared to what Johnson would deliver. Pass the deal and end this nightmare or have fun at Jobcentre and your new career giving me sausage rolls at Greggs.
Donald Trump has called the impeachment inquiry “a lynching”. Too right it is a lynching. These feminazi Democrats are still salty that they cannot beat Trump and that he will be winning in 2020 again, accept that four more years of Big Don is coming your way and be happy for it. He is the best thing to happen to America since we got there in 1607 and has been nothing but a success, quite probably the best ever president. True Americans know that he is the right man for the job and this impeachment is nothing but a desperate attempt to tarnish Trump, as they made a big deal of how bad he would be and it simply has not happened.
Shamima Begum’s lawyer is claiming that she is in a dangerous situation in her Syrian refugee camp because of being denied British citizenship. Why are we even hearing this woman out? She turned her back on this great nation to fight against us. Sorry miss but go and tell somebody who cares. Those lefties will call me a racist for this, but citizenship for this country is a privilege and you cannot just pick and choose when you want to live here. Let her rot in Syria and remember the time when she decided to leave the best country on earth.
Update on the Falklands and Gibraltar: they remain ours.
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.