Anti-vaxxers praise "brave" lacrosse

November 7, 2019

Image courtesy of Wix

 

Recently the University of Kent has been hit with an epidemic of mumps across its Canterbury campus, with most seeing the sport’s society of women’s lacrosse as being the originators of the illness. The university has been forced to send an email to students notifying them of the spread of mumps and sharing information about what the viral infection is and some advice on being vaccinated. However, anti-vaccination lobbyists have commended women’s lacrosse for resisting the societal pressure to be vaccinated against easily treatable diseases.

 

A seemingly growing movement of people opposing vaccinations have commended the sport’s society for supporting their cause and bringing attention to the important work that they are doing. Anti-vaxxers have the incredibly foolish belief that getting vaccinated against diseases that medical science cured years ago can cause autism and so nobody should ever prevent themselves from contracting them. Their movement, identified by the World Health Association as one of 2019’s top ten biggest global health threats, is based upon many things, often being the scientific study that vaccines can cause autism in children, which has been proven categorically false on numerous occasions.

 

A spokesperson for the anti-vaxxer lobbyists said that, “This really is excellent exposure for us. Most people generally believe that people who believe in the perfectly logical pursuit of being infected by cured diseases, are lunatics. Being so heavily associated with such a well-respected higher education establishment is sure to do wonders for our image.” They continued to praise the society itself, saying, “not only are we linked with the University of Kent, but such a fine sport as well. We could not have hoped for a better sport than lacrosse to further our cause. If there is one thing that is for sure, it is that lacrosse sets the trends for the nation and can help to manipulate people. Why do you think that all major companies are trying to sponsor lacrosse teams?”

 

It is too soon to predict what kind of impact this will have on the anti-vax movement as a whole and at University of Kent. But it is becoming eminently clear why the university has been slipping down the rankings over recent years if students have parents who buy into this kind of scare tactic nonsense like not getting your children vaccinated, what other crazy things do they believe? That geography is a legitimate subject?

 

Bonus conspiracy theory, Anti-vax and LAX are the two parties at heart of this scandal, both of which use an ‘x’ in an abbreviation where none exists in the original word. Coincidence? I don’t think so. This goes even higher than we can imagine, possibly even to the lizard people who run all of society and forced Bush to do 9/11 and fake the moon landings. Is anything real?

 

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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First published in 1965, InQuire is the University of Kent student newspaper.

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