Saying it like it is (11th-17th November)

November 17, 2019

 Image courtesy of Wix

 

Far too much of the student newspaper is controlled by snowflake lefties and remoaners complaining about their safe space or lack thereof. I, Barry Smith, shall embark on a one-man mission to restore the status quo and invoke the glory of Britannia, to show the people the error of their PC ways. Or, just write a weekly column on the news and what I think about it.

 

If it needed to be any more beyond doubt, the Robin to Boris Johnson’s Batman, Nigel Farage, has announced that the Brexit Party will not have candidates stand in seats that the Conservatives won in 2017. Farage will, however, be contesting current Labour seats in order to hand an even easier win to Boris. At this point I am expecting Corbyn to be left with no seats at all and Farage and Johnson will be free to restore this country to its rightful place as the most powerful nation in the world. I could even see a return to the glory days of the British empire, the EU will be begging us for a trade deal. It is at this point where we hold them over a barrel like that pompous prat, Juncker, has tried to do to us.

 

The desperate Communist, Jeremy Corbyn, is continuing the process of digging himself an even bigger grave in a desperate attempt to beat the people’s champion, Boris Johnson. On top of all the spending that Labour have already promised, they have now pledge three billion to offer adults to be able to retrain jobs for free. You can say whatever you like Jeremy, but the people of this country know exactly what you are doing and see through your obvious lies. Boris knows how to make the most of the budget and knows where our priorities lie and it is not to help housewives become real estate agents for free, it is delivering Brexit. He knows that he can’t tackle Johnson on proper issues and is coming up with these pathetic side shows that don’t make sense to anyone with half a brain.

 

Marketing firm, Izea, have found that the average price paid for an Instagram paid post has risen from £104 in 2014 to £1,276 in 2019. This is an absolute joke. I break my back everyday working at my construction and logging company to earn a proper pay cheque, and these vain idiots are earning over a thousand pounds to take a photo. This is what society has come to and I cannot believe it, these people have never done a full day’s work in their lives. They wouldn’t last one day if I asked them to mix cement for me, and that is the easiest thing that we do.

 

Update on the Falklands and Gibraltar: they remain ours.

 

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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First published in 1965, InQuire is the University of Kent student newspaper.

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