Saying it like it is (18th-24th November

Image courtesy of Simple Wikipedia

Far too much of the student newspaper is controlled by snowflake lefties and remoaners complaining about their safe space or lack thereof. I, Barry Smith, shall embark on a one-man mission to restore the status quo and invoke the glory of Britannia, to show the people the error of their PC ways. Or, just write a weekly column on the news and what I think about it.

This week, I believe that there is only one place to start, and that is with the TV debate between Boris Johnson and Comrade Corbyn that ITV hosted on Tuesday. Needless to say, and as anyone who watched this debate will tell you, that Johnson ran rings around Corbyn and made it clear to the voting public that they were watching one man who is a terrific politician who can transform this country and one raving socialist who wants to buy your vote with a few fun-sounding ideas that are completely impractical and would never actually get done without ruining this country. The key part of this debate was, naturally, Brexit, and Corbyn looked like a rabbit in the headlights. Johnson smelled blood and capitalised as Corbyn constantly tried to duck the question and would never give a clear answer on which side of his proposed second referendum he would campaign on and whether or not Scotland would be given another referendum. Both of these are completely anti-democratic and are trying to reverse decisions we came to ages ago, I’m pretty sure 52 is still larger than 48. Corbyn is not fit to run this country and don’t let any snowflake tell you otherwise. And obviously I didn’t watch the interviews with the other leaders as apart from Farage they are entirely irrelevant, and I was busy getting on it at my local with the boys.

If you didn’t have eyes or ears or any common sense and wanted something to show you beyond doubt that this country wants Johnson’s Brexit deal, after one week of campaigning, the Conservatives have been given 87% of all donations to political parties so far. Johnson has been given £5.4 million to use for campaigning (although he obviously doesn’t need it), whereas the shills have only been able to find £218,500 down the back of the sofa to try and fight the tidal wave of support for Boris, even the Liberal Democrats have managed to raise more. I hope mister Corbyn is spending this paltry sum wisely to update his CV and practise his interview techniques, as sooner rather than later he will be looking for a new job, not that any business would want to take anyone on with such little regard for and knowledge of basic economics.

Update on the Falklands and Gibraltar: they remain ours.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

Featured Posts


Share your thoughts