Saying it like it is (2nd-8th December)

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Far too much of the student newspaper is controlled by snowflake lefties and remoaners complaining about their safe space or lack thereof. I, Barry Smith, shall embark on a one-man mission to restore the status quo and invoke the glory of Britannia, to show the people the error of their PC ways. Or, just write a weekly column on the news and what I think about it.

Surprise, surprise, probably shouldn’t even be new at this point. BBC News are calling a French strike over pension reforms their biggest strike in years, which for France is saying quite a lot. French president, Emmanuel Macron, is suggesting reforms to pensions that will see those who are apart of the state pension have to work longer or receive smaller pay-outs than they would currently obtain. It is a sad state of affairs when it is controversial to say that you need to work hard to get things. Classic cheese eating surrender monkeys, always on strike, but when it really came down to standing up to oppression, where were they? You don’t like working, but Nazism is fine. In a Barry-run country, pensions would be abolished. If you can’t pay your way then get a job, it is just that simple. Leftist shills are currently wanting to do nothing and still get given everything, but it doesn’t work that way.

Speaker of the American House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, has said that impeachment proceedings against Donald Trump. The House Judiciary Committee had been debating moving forwards with impeachment for abuse of power, and Pelosi seems confident that they will. When will this end? America elected Trump, because they weren’t blind and knew he was better than Hilary Clinton and the salty libtards are trying to clip his magnificent wings. He has been elected president to do the best job possible, so let him do it. If you are happy with the results, then don’t question the process. It is that exact motto that means I don’t care how sausages are made, because they are so wonderful that I wouldn’t stop eating them even if they were all made in France.

The Office of National Statistics have said that household debts rose by an average of 9%, much of which is due to student loans. This is the problem with universities, everyone knows that they are expensive and goes anyway to get a degree that is largely pointless. Do what Barry did and learn a trade, become a plumber or a painter-decorator instead of pursuing a ludicrous pipe dream of becoming a therapist. Nobody really needs a therapist, but everyone needs plumbing and their house to be painted. It isn’t that difficult to not have debt.

Update on the Falklands and Gibraltar: they remain ours.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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