Image courtesy of Wix
Dear the weather,
We’ve had some great times you and me. When I look back, I think of all the happy days that we had together. I remember those happy days of sledging in the snow and the sunny summer days of 2018 when all that mattered was Harry Maguire’s forehead. That’s not to say that things have always been perfect, from time to time it got a bit stormy, but the good has always outweighed the bad. However, recently I have felt a change.
In 2020, we have already had three storms, which has left more bits of my neighbour’s house in my garden than there is grass. I can’t even remember what it feels like to go outside without wearing a jacket and a jumper, and even then, still feeling the bracing wind on my face. Rarely do I have conversations that don’t feature the phrase “It’s bloody freezing” anymore. The high winds buffet me around like I’m a pin ball and as someone whose hair performs as well as Donald Trumps’ in the wind, it has been particularly trying. And as Kent Live have reliably informed me, “The Big Freeze” is imminent, so no respite is in sight. Hence, I decided to write this, to see if we can go back to the good old days.
So, the weather, please can we go back to how things were. Maybe I did some things to cause that, and I can only apologize. I will do better, just give me the chance. This is a give and take, so just tell me what you want me to do to make this better. I promise to actively recycle and to stop clubbing baby seals or whatever it is that can make this change. Because all I want is for you to be happy and also because I don’t want to be cold anymore, obviously that would be a perk, but mostly the you thing.
I hope this lets you know how I feel and that you realise that I never meant to hurt you. Lets go back to those good times and stop it with this freezing weather.
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.