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So, it’s strike month and by some miracle, all or most of your lectures and seminars are cancelled again. You find yourself wondering what to do at this point since you still have nothing on as usual and you’ve used up all the techniques from before.
“What if I revised?” or “What if I did my assignments?” you ask yourself for 5 seconds before realising you’d rather be doing anything else.
Well, I’m here to redo an article I wrote in November (that nobody read) because I too still have nothing better to do with my life. I’m also running out of ideas so here’s an unorthodox top 7 list.
Number 7 – Get some sleep:
I said this last time and feel no need to explain myself here. If you don’t know what sleep is, then your problems go deeper than the strikes.
Number 6 – Go do something productive:
It’s less cold outside so don’t be a degenerate and engage in something productive like writing a comic book about snakes with top hats or starting an anti-work revolution.
Number 5 – Go watch foreign-language films:
Did you know the most spoken language in the world isn’t even English? So many different films out there. Go watch a Korean film and discover the wonders of Song Kang-Ho. 화이팅!
Number 4 – Cry:
I still don’t have to explain this one. If you don’t know what crying is, then I feel obliged to ask where the bodies are?
Number 3 – Explore the world:
University is the best time to experiment so go book a train ticket to witness the beauty of Rochdale or Coventry. Only to realise what decades of neglect under neoliberalism actually did to parts of the country. Just kidding. Or am I?
Number 2 – Join the strike:
Jokes aside, lecturers and academic staff have their reasons to strike so you could go support them and their cause. Or not. Up to you.
Number 1 – Become a musician:
Considering Ellie Goulding went here and she did alright, I think you can do alright too by becoming a musician. Go start that the post-hardcore math rock band you always wanted to with your mates. Literally cannot go tits up.
Congratulations! You have successfully wasted your own time by reading this for the second time. Now stop procrastinating and actually go do your assignment or revise for your exams.
Number 0 – Bonus:
There’s no reward this time due to budget cuts in the satire department due to sports team-based complaints.
Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.