First impressions- InQuire committee

It is election season once again, and with elections comes first impressions. If you want a voting guide to who to vote for your InQuire committee without concerning yourself with what they want to do then you are in the right place. You should hopefully know the drill by now (if not then tough luck, it isn't a very difficult concept to grasp), so let’s get started.


Images courtesy of Aslan Ntumba Ozer

Editor-in-Chief is the most competitive post in the InQuire committee elections, with three people running for it: Alejandro, Lucy, and Timea. Alejandro is part of the website master race, which helps his candidacy, but he is also interested in website editor, so how committed is he to each role? Lucy has made the cardinal sin of advocating for the greater use of merchandise, which (as has been much publicised) is not something that we in the satire section agree with. We should be getting others to stop wearing society jackets, not joining them. Leaving Timea as the only one who is not largely objectionable, which (from a satire perspective) is quite frustrating.

Newspaper Editor

Image courtesy of Aslan Ntumba Ozer

Only one person is running for newspaper editor, Rory, the current newspaper entertainment editor, seems destined to take the job. Although RON is still available, I will let you know that Rory praised the satire section in his speech and is talking about getting it into the newspaper. Which, as a person with no prejudice here, sounds like an exceptional idea. He said some other stuff, but this was certainly the front-page headline.

Website Editor

Images courtesy of Aslan Ntumba Ozer

Website editor for next year is a straight shoot-out between the current news and entertainment editors for the website team. Not to be biased, but this one is pretty open and shut. In Emily you have someone who slagged off the satire section in her speech, and in Alejandro you have someone who didn’t, but then again, he ran out of time during his speech, so there is a chance that he had a tight five minutes planned to come after satire too. We will keep you posted as to whether that happens or not. The only reservation remaining is that Alejandro is also interested in higher office. As we know from the best era of Star Wars films, ambition leads to the dark side, so keep an eye out for what Alejandro does next year, chances are he will not have the high ground.

Social Secretary

Image courtesy of Emily Heath

Former InQuire member Katinka is returning from a year abroad to be the only candidate for Social Secretary. The problem with an article like this is when their ideas seem largely sensible, like including the older members as well as newer ones, makes it slightly difficult to satirise. So, I suppose, is it appropriate in the current climate to advocate for exposing ourselves to more people?

Head of Marketing

Image courtesy of Aslan Ntumba Ozer

The only candidate for Head of Marketing, Sabrina, has some pretty ridiculous and unworkable ideas to change InQuire. She intends to “use Twitter” and “use Instagram”, which, if you’ve stopped laughing about how preposterous that is, you can probably tell is a frankly stupid thing to even attempt and will obviously not work. And even if it did happen, it would obviously not help, because what kind of newspaper uses Twitter?

Head of Photography

Ainy is, once again, the only candidate for the role of Head of Photography. Theme of the night for speeches was people prefacing them with saying they were going to keep it short and sweet, and Ainy was certainly one that kept that promise. In fairness to her, there isn’t a lot to say about this position beyond wanting everyone to take the best photos they can.

Head of Design

Armaan is the hopeful for Head of Design, having spent the last year creating many cartoons and designs for InQuire. But enough with the formal stuff. Armaan is part of a larger trend here, in that the most creditable part of his candidacy is that he has links to the satire section, having written about moustaches for Movember. Which certainly gives him the satire seal of approval.


Image courtesy of Pixabay

I think we should take some time to remember an election hopeful, who never gets the love they deserve. Even if you think that a lot of these positions are one horse races, remember the individual who runs every time and never gets a second thought. I think RON deserves the shot; the question is more which position rather than anything else. #VoteRON.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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