10 novel ways to pass the time in isolation

Image courtesy of Pixabay

We’ve all got a lot of time on our hands now, leading to having to do something to fill that newly created void. For the purpose of this list, we will be avoiding obvious things like watching TV and revising for exams, because we’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, and I presume you’ve discovered at least one of those two things already. So here are ten slightly different methods of passing the time.

1. Play sports inside

A downside of not being allowed outside freely is that it becomes harder to do things you enjoy, such as sports. Well, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way. I have been playing football with my brother in our hallway for as long as I can remember, using nothing but a small ball and a wall and doorway as goals. As the reigning World Player of the Year in the hall football universe, I recommend you jump aboard this particular train now, as it lets you do more than your government permitted single daily physical exercise and it’s a lot of fun. Unless your favourite sport is horse racing or motor sport you should be fine. Being a seasoned pro in this arena, I recommend yelling lines of commentary to go along with it, it makes it a lot more enjoyable.

2. Online shopping

This one is here to make up for the last one. Do online shopping to replace the things you broke by playing sports indoors.

3. Arts and crafts

Another option for replacing the things you break if shipping times are looking a bit too long, or potentially to add to the things you already had is to take up arts and crafts. Things like origami seem like the best option, unless you have things like clay and a kiln lying around the house. This isn’t Google so I can’t tell you how to do this stuff, but it can’t be too hard and if it is then you have a lot of time on your hands to figure it out.

4. Learn a new skill

If your personality consisted of things done in groups, then now is a perfect time to fix that. You could learn how to bake or knit. What I’m trying to say is that it is a great time to transform yourself into a much older version of your previous self.

5. Create a rambling podcast

If there is one thing that there aren’t enough of then it is podcasts, particularly those without any real point to them. Get together a rag tag group of guests into a Skype call and just start talking about nothing in particular until you feel like stopping. Before the time this self-isolation is over you will have a sponsorship from Tempur Mattresses, Squarespace or Zip Recruiters, which should help pay off the student loan.

6. Become an expert in a subject

Through the magic of Wikipedia and some long hours with nothing to do you could become an expert in a very specific subject. This skill can be used in the off chance that your newfound expertise crops up in conversation or you can dominate pub quizzes and take home that sweet, sweet prize money.

7. Become religious

Now is the perfect time to discover the Lord your God. This could be because of a genuinely held belief, or my personal favourite, for personal gain. If you do catch Coronavirus and have not committed to religion, then have fun playing the lottery of hoping your gamble paid off, I hope it was worth it to win those arguments on Twitter. But if you use this time wisely and convert to a religion, then you can be living the good life in whichever form of afterlife turns out to be true. I haven’t decided which religion is best yet, so I’ll leave that one up to you, but I’d recommend choosing one with the best afterlife. Then if religion turns out to be a hoax, then you only did it for a bit and so it won’t matter. You wouldn’t even have had to visit a church, because you aren’t allowed outside.

8. Update/create your will

In the off chance that you have some possessions worth having, it is important that you get your affairs in order before Coronavirus catches up with us all. You wouldn’t want your sweet PS4 going to your annoying sibling or the wardrobe you carefully put together being given away or wasting away in a wardrobe.

9. Select your preferred method of burial

I doubt you’ve ever spent much time thinking about how this would go, but it is now a possibility, however remote. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Or perhaps something more exotic like a Viking burial. Maybe you even have something fun to go on your headstone like “not appreciating my puns during my lifetime was a grave mistake”. These things need to be decided before it gets too late.

10. Settle any remaining scores

If there’s anything you don’t want when COVID-19 gets to you, it is regrets. Was there an argument that you never won? Or an old nemesis who you never got the best of? Now is the time to correct these things, to go out without any unfinished business. Because you don’t want to be haunting an old house somewhere due to not making the most of the time you had in self-isolation.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.