Top Twelve Things to do while the world is closed down

So, it’s… very tiring to hear the same joke (that you probably never read in the first place) for a third time in a row. This time I am back to tell you that life has changed and you need to do things otherwise your mind rots or you become ailed by various diseases such as couch potato and RSI.

Image Courtesy of GIPHY and PBS

“Hmmm, what do I do?” or “I should get that piece of work done” is what you ask yourself before hitting play on Netflix. For those of you who haven’t hit play, I’m here to tell you what you can achieve with your life. So, here’s my top twelve list.

Number 12 – Get some sleep:

へ‿(ツ)‿ㄏ

Number 11 – Sleep some get?

┐(´ー`)┌

Number 10 – Lounge on the grass outside:

There is grass outside. Go do it. Socially distanced of course.

Number 9 – Play games:

Games are fun and you probably have a decent chunk of free time.

Number 8 – Start a revolution:

Ever feel like you wanted to do something with your life? Don’t do this or the authorities will come after you.

Number 7 – Try new food:

Food is good. Go try some new food, it’ll be good for you. Although be sure to check your dietary restrictions, I’m not liable for any problems from this.

Number 6 – Start exercising:

You’ve probably sat around doing nothing since March so go outside and run. There are barely any people around so you should be fine. It’s great stuff for your immune system too. Stop reading and go run. (Although if you’re immunocompromised then you can find other exercises to do at home)

Number 5 – Pick up a new hobby:

A lot of people have started new hobbies during this time and you can too. Start mountain climbing in Norwich at 1am. Take up Mongolian throat singing at 6am. Epic 80s dance party at 1pm. Straight to the hospital at 1:22pm.

Number 4 – Join a new society:

There are many societies at this university. Join InQuire (had to do it) if you want to write fun stuff for fun. Or maybe join the Kent Think Tank society if you want to give out big brain ideas.

Number 3 – Learn mind control:

Want to do nothing? Learn mind control and let others do stuff for you. It’s pretty easy.

Number 2 – Summon Cthulhu:

Things have gotten pretty boring. Do this and spice life up a little. Or don’t. I’m not your parental authority figure.

Number 1 – Relax:

Kick your feet back, pop on the Roku box and just relax. Not much else to it.

Congratulations! You have successfully wasted your own time by reading this for the third time. Now stop procrastinating and actually go do your assignment or revise for your exams.

Number 0 – Bonus:

No bonus once again. COVID-19 led to further budget cuts and now the satire section is just me (and Aedan on the other side) at the moment. Could change if they shake the magic money tree a little.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.

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First published in 1965, InQuire is the University of Kent student newspaper.

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